Featured

My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

Push/Pull

I want to hide from the world and at the same time be validated by it.

In my life I feel a lack of clear direction, of motivation.

My life is not picture perfect. My third eye does not see a perfect existence. Therefore what do I have to share with this world?

Most of what I have to say is based on a weird sense of impulse that lacks clearness and conciseness like all the other successful blogs and content creators pages that I’ve seen.

Maybe this is a first step. We all stumble when we’re starting out right?

Nobody runs before they walk. Cut yourself some slack, you idiot.

Thanks, me. I oughtta be more kind to you sometimes.

(Does this girl realize how crazy she’s being?)

Only God knows. Only God should know, because he/she’s the only entity with the ability to completely judge me.

I think I might try this on for size.

These random ramblings of a not-all-there woman, still searching for something in this life that evades me like opposite fucking magnets.

Sad stories don’t get endings.

Once there was a girl who loved everything.

She loved the grass and dirt beneath her feet.

She loved the sky and all the clouds and birds in it.

She loved the animals of every shape and size.

She loved people of all shapes and sizes, even when they were not so loving to her.

But one day when the two most important people in her life stopped being loving to the little girl, she too lost her ability to love.

These two people she called Mom and Dad turned away from her.

They broke pieces off of the little girls’ soul, mind, and body.

Then, once they had taken what they could from her broken pieces they left her to pick up what was left.

For many years that little girl tried to make herself whole with what little she was left with but she could never fill in the empty spaces of her soul no matter how hard she tried.

She tried to fill her body and mind with sugars and spices and everything nice, but no matter what she fed the empty spaces it would never mend the broken pieces.

The empty spaces filled with anger, hate, and fear.

That little girl became so lost within her own denial of these feelings that she could not find her way back.

Without a compassionate guide to help her along her way she became bogged down in darkness and despair and does not know how to get out.

To this day that little girl is a grown woman so deep in an ocean of despair and human suffering that she has still not found her way out.

Dear Me,

Today I am 28 years, 5 months, 20 days, 20 hours, 53 minutes, 10..11..12..13..14..15 seconds and counting, old. As best as I can figure from the life I have lived so far I should have a full time+ job that pays 5 to 6 figures, making payments on a small to moderately-sized house with my husband, have a munchkin and a half, pay my societal dues, yadda yadda yadda. I can’t tell you where my expectation comes from. If I could people probably wouldn’t take the things I say so personally…then again maybe they would. We’re all selfish beings her.

Today started like almost every other day the past few weeks. Wake up, hate self (check), mope around contemplating your existence and wtf it is you’re doing with your life, binge watch season 7 of OITNB (Orange is the New Black for the uninitiated) on Netflix, eat, play games, sleep. Take away the depressing parts and I’m sure that’s a dream come true for a lot of people. Un/fortunately I’m not most people.

The only difference today was I had a meeting scheduled with my drama professor to set up my fall semester schedule. I as always expected the worst and as is usually the case, my expectations were subverted. I won’t go into many details but I will say it left me feeling better than I had before the meeting.

I could try to explain why by I don’t know you like that yet internet, so I’ll keep that part to myself. But that meeting followed by watching the series finale of OITNB, eating a big ass salad followed by a power nap has left me more clear headed than I can clearly remember.

Thus explains this here blog. I am what people would probably consider to be an introvert, but I’m probably a little biased. That being said, I’ll say I’ve spent more time with myself that I have around other people. And what is it people are always saying…write what you know? I should know me better than most people but I get the feeling that people see right through me half the time and I end up so deep in my own mind that I get lost on the way to find what I was looking for. Much like when you walk into the other room to grab that thing but as soon as you enter the doorway you find yourself standing in that room forgetting what it is you went in there for in the first place.

I know, I know. I’m terrible at getting to the point. I get distracted and off course, my mind is constantly throwing things in my minds eye, and I have no idea why. But that’s why I’m calling this blog “Dear Me;.” These are basically conversations with myself except on the internet, so I’m validated now, right?

I’m no stranger to social media but blogging is a whole new territory for me. I don’t think anyone will read this and if they do I’m imagining the worst receptions, but another long-winded reason for doing this, blog that is, is that I’m tired of living in the past. This is my way of trying to move forward with my life. I’ve been running on empty, turning over past mistakes, past abuses, wondering why I never felt loved as a child, wallowing in some ocean of self-pity with no land in sight. But I’ve finally washed ashore.

I am looking towards the present and the future as a sort of way out of this hideous past of mine, a way to grow and live with my demons. Looking to the future is daunting. I see many growing pains ahead of me, but in a good way, you know? If I keep living on memories past then I will slowly rot away my existence and push the last of my loved ones away. Sure, it won’t be easy, but I pray to God for the strength and will to take things in stride.

One day at a time, my loves. Only God knows what tomorrow will bring.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

Create your website at WordPress.com
Get started